He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My life is pants optional.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
