i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
