He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Randomize
