I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize