Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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