I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
