I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
