oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
