we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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