smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
