home. puking in laundry basket.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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