you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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