i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
