Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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