I wish my penis had an off switch
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
