I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
