You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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