with your own penis?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
