he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
