i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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