I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
