so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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