you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
