Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
