I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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