this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
