I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
