Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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