you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
