Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
