he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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