It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
