I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
