Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
