HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
