I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
