I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
