i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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