i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
