When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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