Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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