I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
