i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
