I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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