I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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