Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
