Can i not drive my cunt home
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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