my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
