She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
