WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
