New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
