well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
