R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
