I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
