If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
