I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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