Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
