The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize