So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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