are you still at the devil's house?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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