I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
