You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
