You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
its liver damage thursday
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
