this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
