I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
