If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you made out with another girl for some wings
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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