11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
