just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
