I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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