dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
