Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
