Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
