I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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