hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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