I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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