I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
