i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
