whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
