get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
