Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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