it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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